


Bytes and Nibbles

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-05-15
Updated: 2001-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-20 14:46:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11337645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Mulder gets nosy about the results of the First Anniversary Slashing Mulder contest.





	Bytes and Nibbles

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Bytes and Nibbles by Speed and Junior

Title: Bytes and Nibbles  
Authors: Speed and Junior  
Email: &   
Fandom: X-Files/LGM  
Rating: R  
Pairing: Mulder/Langly  
Disclaimer: Fox Mulder and Ringo Langly belong to the big CC. They aren't ours. We just like to mess up their day.  
Archivists: Archive at will, with our names, e-mail and completed text intact.  
Synopsis: Mulder gets nosy about the results of the First Anniversary Slashing Mulder contest.  
Author's Notes: Character comments at the end.

* * *

Langly sighed and pushed himself back from the computer desk, running his hands desperately through his scraggly blonde hair. "I *told* you, Mulder! These things take time! The security for the judging list is almost impenetrable!"

Mulder sprang up from his chair. "Dammit! I have to know what they are saying about me. It's imperative." Mulder paced the room in agitation, while listening to the incessant clicking of the keyboard as Langly tried once again to breach Yahoo! security and access the secret list.

Langly growled in annoyance. "Come on, Mulder. We don't even know *who* the judges are! Why couldn't you get any information? You said you had some spies!"

"I tried!" Mulder whined in self defense. "Scully, Skinner and I all tried. We submitted bogus volunteer forms but none of us were picked. I guess Jo saw right through us. Krycek didn't even get picked. You have to find out who those judges are. IF you do that, you can leave the rest up to me."

Ringo Langly grinned at his reflection in the monitor screen. He continued to type gibberish, listening to Mulder rant. He'd cracked the code hours ago. In fact, he knew the identities of all six judges, and access to the list archives. Mulder simply wasn't desperate enough. Ringo would wait for just the right moment to spring his *deal* on Mulder.

Mulder dropped back into the kitchen chair, a pronounced whine in his voice. "I will do *anything* to get this information. Anything at all!"

Ringo's lips curled in an evil smirk. The moment was finally upon them. Spinning in his chair to face Mulder, Langly asked innocently, "Anything?"

Mulder stared at Langly, knowing this was going to be bad...very bad. He nodded slowly, "Well, yeah..anything within reason." Narrowing his eyes, Mulder inquired, "Why? Just what do you have in mind, Langly?"

Langly frowned. "Within reason? That's not good enough." Langly gestured to his crotch. "You know what I want Mulder."

Mulder stared in disgust at Langly's crumb and grime encrusted jeans, "Oh, come on! You can't be serious? I'm not going down on you for this, Ringo." He glanced at his companion's face, "You won't negotiate at all?"

Langly shook his head, grinning. "Nope, fraid not. Just depends how bad you want this info, I guess."

Mulder sighed, dropping to his knees in front of Langly, "Okay, but I'm not touching those jeans. You have to take out your... johnson, all by yourself... and wash your hands first, you cretin." 

Langly gave Mulder his patented dirty look, but unsnapped his filthy jeans, all the same. He released his erection from his boxers and leaned back in the chair.

Mulder swallowed his disgust and closed his eyes tightly. He resisted the urge to hold his nose, and went to work. He noisily polished Langly's knob, working as quickly as possible. Pulling free, just before Langly exploded, Mulder gagged a bit, as Ringo shot all over the leg of his jeans.

Langly let out a hoarse shout as he came, digging his fingers into the arms of his computer chair. He sat blissfully for a few moments, eyes shut, until he was roused by a finger poking him in the arm. Langly's eyes popped open as he snapped. "What?"

Mulder wiped his mouth with the back of one sleeve, "Once you're finished with the rockets red glare and all, I really need to see those list posts, Langly. Time is of the essence."

Langly pressed his deflated penis back into his shorts and zipped up. "Yeah yeah yeah." Langly spun his chair around and began to type again, this time producing the desired results, the secret list opening up for their inspection.

As Langly worked, Mulder went in search of coffee, to kill the aftertaste. He gargled and spit, before rinsing his cup and pouring fresh java. Hurrying back to the computer screen, "Anything yet?"

Langly pushed back from the screen. "It's all yours. Have at it."

Shoving Langly out of his way, Mulder stared greedily at the screen, "What the hell is this? Dana and Natalie's Big Adventure? I don't remember any of the contest entries with that title." Looking suspiciously at Langly, "What list did you break into, numb nuts?"

Langly peered at the screen. "What you wanted me to, asshole. The Slashing Scully First Anniversary Contest, right?"

Mulder ran his hands through his hair, growling. "Fuck! Fuck!" Curling his hands into fists, he shook with fury, "No, you fucking idiot! Is my name Scully, for crying out loud?" Picking up a stack of computer print out, Mulder ripped them into shreds, throwing the confetti around the room, "Damn it! You did this on purpose, Langly. Don't deny it, cause I know you did." He spun Langly's chair around, grabbing the blonde man by the front of his Ramones' tee. "Get back in there and find the right list, this very fucking second."

Langly's bottom lip quivered, his feelings hurt beyond repair. Pointing at the door, "You can just get the fuck out of here, Mulder. I'm not helping you anymore. Out!"

Mulder's need to know the truth warred with his anger, "Oh, come on, Ringo. I'm sorry. Just do me this one favor, okay?" He smiled winningly, "I did what you asked, didn't I?" 

Langly shook his head stubbornly. "That was before I found out how much of a jerk you are. Go get Byers to help you. He's always willing to trade services for a good blow job."

Mulder harrumphed. "Yeah, but John doesn't take the verbal abuse, very well." Smiling, Mulder tried again. "Won't it be fun, Ringo? Just think.. you'll be able to make bets with Melvin and John. You'll have a sure thing, once we know the results, right? You'll clean up!"

Langly folded his arms, "Maybe." He smiled wickedly, "You'll have to say it, Mulder. I won't consider doing the job, until you do." He laced his fingers, popping his knuckles, "And go get some donuts. I need the energy."

Mulder pouted for a moment before mumbling, "Your kung fu is the best." He reached into his wallet, and pulled out some cash, "How about if I order pizza instead? That way, I don't have to leave. Will that work, Ringo?"

"I guess." Langly turned back to the computer screen, keying wildly. He paused to brush his scraggly hair out of his eyes again, and shouted at Mulder's retreating back. "And get me some Pepsi!"

Mulder waved a hand over his shoulder, "Consider it done, Lord WhackHammer." He picked up the phone, making faces at Langly's back, and wishing he'd approached Frohike to begin with.

Langly shouted in triumph, waving his fist in the air, as he broke his way into yet another secret list. "YES! I am a God!"

Mulder dropped the handset, flying over to the computer screen, "You're in already?"

Langly leaned back, satisfied. "Was there ever any doubt?"

Shouldering Langly out of the way again, Mulder's shoulders sagged in defeat. "The Slashing Skinner First Anniversary Contest?"

The End

Character's note: Langly here. I just want to dedicate this little snippet to Joey Ramone. Rest in peace, Dude. We all know you're in heaven, cause your music was divine.

==================================  
The Hoover Archives: http://www.radcat.net/Hoover/  
==================================  
"I told you to face the wall! What the hell's the matter with you! My nipples hurt. What are you looking at?" - Melvin Frohike (Madam, I'm Adam)  
==================================  
The whole world is a cage when you're trapped in it alone. - Simon White-Thatch Potentloins (Planet of the Frohikes)  
==================================

  
Archived: April 21, 2001 


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